goodnight i made you a song goodbye
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
