my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
