We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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