Got a toothbrush?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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