I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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