i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
