I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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