and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize