Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
how drunk are you?
Several
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
