dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
