I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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