I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize
