My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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