The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
