U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
well I can't set my house on fire every night
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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