sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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