yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
