I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Four minutes until I can fart!
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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