The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
