After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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