he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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