your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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