Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
In America we eat man semen.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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