You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Randomize
