Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
You ever have a fart follow you around?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
