You smell like stripper and shame
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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