Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
