I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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