Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize