The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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