If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
