I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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