I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Sext me about skeletons
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
