I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
