I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize