Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
