he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
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