Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
