I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
