dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
