After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
