Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
