my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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