If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
