You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
