mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
