Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
