dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
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