Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
