he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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