He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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