East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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