it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
