Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
