the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
