Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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