What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
My vagina is very pro this idea
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
