My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Randomize
