This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
