theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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