it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
