omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
