My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Randomize
