is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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