I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
