My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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