So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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