Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Your cock deserves a montage
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
